6 Life Lessons 2020 Taught Me
I cannot even believe that we are nearing the home stretch of 2020. The year that we assumed would feel like the longest, also flew by?! While I know we are anxious for 2020 to end, I know that early 2021 will be pretty similar to our current state, but at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel, as we brace ourselves for life to return to somewhat “normal” in mid-2021.
This year was challenging in so many ways. If you would have told me I’d be navigating being a new mom, and spending my child’s first year of life almost entirely in quarantine, far away from our family in New England, with nearly no help, I would have sworn off having children. Anyways, I wanted to share some of my reflections on the things that this year has taught me, that has helped me survive this crazy year.
Life Lessons from 2020
Practice Gratitude
I am a pretty positive person, but I also am a realist in a lot of ways. However, this year really taught me to appreciate and look for the positive in everything. To practice gratitude. We had a four month old when the pandemic started. My husband’s work travel came completely to a halt, he moved to working from home. While I became the sole caretaker, my husband would get up early with our son, bring him into our bed and we’d have morning snuggles. My husband could come up and play with Fitz for 15 minutes over lunch, we could go on family walks every day at 5:30pm. If he was traveling and commuting, he’d probably only see our son for an hour each day total, but now he has gotten to spend many hours over many days.
Was taking care of Fitz day in and day out extremely challenging, draining, and just plain hard? Absolutely. But seeing my husband bond with our son was extra special. Even now, with Fitz back in daycare, they still get up and have milk and breakfast together. We still go on family walks. Truly, this pandemic gave my little family a special gift that we’ll never have with any other potential future children.
It’s OKAY to Ask for Help
If you read my blog posts about my pregnancy and postpartum experience, you already know that I suffered from pretty bad postpartum anxiety, and looking back on it now, I would even say it was more than that, it was a bout of postpartum depression. Having never experienced anxiety or depression before, I didn’t know what to do or how to handle it. I finally reached out to my OB, and got prescribed medication which made me feel SO much better. That constant knot in my stomach went away, and I felt hopeful for the first time in a long time. Of course, I still had days where it just felt never ending, and I missed my family and friends, and routine, but it was easier.
Being a new parent is hard, being a new parent during a worldwide pandemic, completely isolated, is something I hope few people ever have to experience. Your mental health is an important part of your overall health, and cannot be overlooked.
Let’s Slow Down
I am not going to lie, I hate the fast-paced work-focused culture within the USA. We wear busyness and productivity like a badge of honor, and you are rewarded for being a workaholic. While it’s a bit slower in Texas than it was in Boston, it’s still the way our country has learned to operate. The pandemic forced people to stay at home, to spend time with their families, to slow down, to focus on what is important. I am always someone who has never felt guilty about just sitting and being, but I know that isn’t the case for so many in my life, and I did struggle with this once I became a parent. I felt frustrated when I couldn’t get anything done while taking care of my infant. I felt like I had barely anything on my to-do list, and STILL couldn’t get that done. I think I finally realized after getting worked up about it, that giving my infant my full attention and taking care of him, was all I needed to get done in a day. Just surviving is enough. It’s okay if I had to put these minor to-do’s to the side to focus on him. None of those things were as important as him.
I truly hope that this showed people what is really important in their lives, and we can leave the busy badge of honor in the first quarter of 2020.
Small Actions Make an Impact
Doing my part in small ways every day has made me a happier person. Giving to others has made me a happier person. Wearing my mask to show others that I care for others, has made me a happier person. Even something as simple as giving a compliment. I am much happier when I am making others feel welcome, included, safe, and cared for.
Seeing people come together to support small businesses, BIPOC owned businesses, restaurants; helping our neighbors, communities, strangers, and fighting for equality, diversity and inclusion has been extremely rewarding (although we have a lot more work to do). The work that we collectively did to elect a new president. We were at home but we put in A LOT OF WORK to make big changes in 2020, but it’s only the start. I think we need to reflect and be proud of this work, while still acknowledging that it is lifelong work.
I didn’t post about a lot of what I did in my own community, and I didn’t feel the need to show every conversation or phone call I had, or every email I sent, etc. but it really made me realize how important it is to give, and to change, and to work towards a better place for my family, friends, and the planet.
Live in the Present
I’ve always prided myself on living in the present, and focusing on what is around me. Ask my husband— he hates it! He wants to know what we are doing on the weekend on a Wednesday, and I usually don’t have an answer for him. I’m not a planner, and won’t ever be a planner. (That’s what he’s for, duh.)
With that being said, when daycare opened back up I relied on them to watch Fitz so that I could go to work, and earn a paycheck. This pandemic even put me, a non-planner, in check. Someone in his class would get the virus, and he’d have to be home for two weeks. He’d have SEVEN back-to-back ear infections, croup, and every other childhood illness, that required me to take A LOT of time off of work. I constantly apologize to my boss for having to rearrange my schedule, and change my plans. Even though they were incredibly understanding, this was all guilt I placed upon myself. Although I am not a planner, I am a perfectionist, and when I couldn’t give it my all at work, it was really a challenge to get out of that negative headspace that felt constant this year.
The pandemic taught me to breathe. Take it day by day, and be okay with a lot of shifting. The best plans you can have are none.
Appreciate Your People
Not seeing many of my favorite people this year, made me step back and realize just how much I need them, love them, and want to cherish them. I loved sending cards, little gifts, texts, FaceTime calls, Venmo coffee or vino money, and just take the time to really let everyone in my life know how much I appreciate them. And beyond our friends and family, it’s Fitz’s teachers and administration, it’s my coworkers, it’s my gym coaches, my Instagram beauty community, our pediatrician, our house cleaners. It’s easy in the hustle & bustle of normal daily life to not send the text, not buy a coffee, etc. or go the extra mile for the people in your life.
I want to carry this on into every year from here on out, because seeing their eyes light up at the thoughtfulness and appreciation is something I will never forget.